Turnarounds in 7 easy steps

There will be a huge demand for "Turnaround Artists" as the impact of the financial crisis bites into corporate performance.Every single individual in this planet has the essentials to be the corporate maestro if proper guidance is given.
Firstly it is a question of coming in at the low point and leaving before the next downturn.Secondly it is about following the rules.
This briefing is about the rules...diced and sliced to the barebones for easy assimilation by anyone with double digits IQ i.e the ultimate dummy guide for all aspiring "Turnaround Artists."

1. Clock in at 6.00 am on the first three days and clock out not earlier than midnight.Ensure the press is fully informed and waiting at the lobby for your arrival and departure.Do not provide refreshments to the Press.
2. Make a lot of noise blaming the previous management.Buzzwords includes cash crunch,legacy issues,funding mismatch,misguided strategy,behind the curve..the gist is to tell the world that the business have been destroyed beyond redemption.
3. Change auditors,financial controller,company secretary...and bring a coterie of young impressionable group of guys with lengthy list of qualifications.The role of these guys is to photostat,run errands,make coffee and ensure that no one gets past to see you.
4. Create huge losses by making provisions,right downs,asset impairments..and whatever else you can grab your hands on.There are hidden gems such as intangible assets,share premium accounts that you should not neglect.
5. Go on austerity drive by reducing pay and perks for all employees,forced discounts from all your suppliers,subcons,vendors and retrenchments.One effective trick is to have Press coverage of u taking an Air Asia flight.By the way,once you are in Singapore,it will be safe enough to fly SIA first class cos not many press ppl gets to be in the front.
   
6. Sell all assets except your table ,chair,whiteboard...if you have done Step 4 properly you will have lots of profit from this step thus immediately impressing your bosses of your acumen and generating easy pickings for ur targetted KPIs.And of course,u hv improved the Balance Sheet,have the cash pile...so forget the assets.Assets is a problem cos they cost money and takes a bundle to operate and maintain.
   
7. Go and beg for a big concession,price/rate increase,negotiated projects from the Prime Minister
   

Thats all you need to do really.As an aside,maybe you should cultivate "Corporate Social Responsibility" wisely.If you focus right you may get a few Dato Seris to add to your name.

Good Luck and as a kindly reminder in the event you fail to turnaround the company you can stll blame Legacy Issues and Greenspan.